For what ever reason Kris doesn't see her self the way I do, and she doesn't have the same desire to go that extra mile when I would. Thats not bad, it's one of the reasons I put myself under a lot of stress, I wish I could just let unimportant things slide sometimes.
Anyway, our discussion played on my mind overnight, and I woke up early and decided to go do the 6-mail run that I had failed on twice lately. After I got into my stride, nearly got run over at the light on Mary/S 1st by a guy in a Volvo he just never looked right when he stopped, I started to think about things.
Was I trying to live out my dreams/desires/failings through other peoples success? It's one of those things that happens to a lot of middleage guys, you see it most in kids sports, both the coaches and the Dads. I really don't think so, I'm more successful than I ever thought I would be.
So what is it? I couldn't find an answer while running but what I soon realised that I had perception issue when I was running. I focus on the negatives and make excuses for my running. Instead of celebrating the fact that I can turn in a reasonable 5k, have a half marathon time that isn't an embarrassment, I focus on the fact that my runs are not as good because I have a bad leg, because my weight hovers around 200lbs, because I don't train enough etc.
So, from now on I'm done with the negative thoughts. I'm also done with the Adult Oriented Rock music on my MP3 player, I'm fed-up listening to uptempo guitar led tracks with a bunch of guys singing about the woman they lost, the screw-ups they made etc. Even if it is good when its loud, most of the lyrics just are not positive. Even some of my favorite tracks by Hard-Fi, Green Day, White Stripes, Artic Monkeys et al are NOT positive.
So, from now on, it's time to accentuate the positive.
1. My footstrike is hugely better this year after the treatment by Brian and AJ at Advanced Rehab
2. I have a great 10k time despite the fact I have one leg 2" shorter
3. I have some pain in my knees and hips but I still run more than many people my age
4. I may not be as fast as the 140-150lb guys in my age group, but even without my leg problems I'd have never been their weight and would never be as fast at running, and probably wasn't at school, I'll whoop them on the bike though!
5. My Team GB Triathlon shorts still fit and are comfortable almost 4-years after I was in the GB Team for the European Triathlon Championships - how many people have raced for their country!
These are the things I'm going to focus on over the next few months
1. Foot strike, always light on the toes and heels, always push off
2. Economic arms, tucked in, easy and relaxed, Swinging arms takes energy away from other parts of the body and acts as a brake
3. Happy music - time to load up happy music on the MP3 player, it's probably no coincidence that I got around in a reasonable time and with good running form because I loaded up Hed Kandi World Series Mix 1 on the MP3 player - I love uplifting house music!
PUT EM HIGH!
ps. My name will be in the (UK) Daily Telegraph on Thursday 13th September 2007 and in the Sunday Telegraph on the 16th September 2007 and will appear on the Daily Telegraph website* as the formal announcement of my appointment as a Fellow of the British Computer Society, so it's official.